


The Way They Are

by Lily_Vipers



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: 100 Themes Challenge, F/M, Post-Teen Titans, Pre-Teen Titans, and everything in between and beyond, goal to have each prompt be 1000 words or more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-23 04:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3755338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lily_Vipers/pseuds/Lily_Vipers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>100 Themes challenge. Robin and Raven and the way they are. Introduction: "This is the beginning of a long list of unexplained and unexpected things that Raven would allow Richard to do."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Title: The Way They Are  
> Category: Teen Titans  
> Summary: 100 Themes challenge. Robin and Raven and the way they are.  
> Pairing: RxR  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Raven was alone and scared when she first met him, the one they called the Boy Wonder.

She was alone, frighten and terrified.

She likes to believe that she can handle herself and be her own protector. But, deep in her heart, she knows that she can’t do this herself. She needed him, even though she didn’t know it at the time or even wanted him.

(That’s a lie. She will always need him. She will always want him. She was just too stupid and slow and dumb to realize it then.)

It was raining, like a cliché, and there he was, the boy underneath the streetlight. The glow of the yellow beam unveiled a hidden shadow, making him a speck of light born from eternal darkness.

He was dressed in a simple shirt and jeans. Nothing special. Nothing unusual. Just a boy.

An extraordinary boy.  

Raven remembers the first thought she had about Robin: beautiful. He seemed to take the burdens of the planet on his shoulders, being Atlas and holding the world up.

(And hers.)

She could see pain and sadness in his eyes. The boy who have yet to hide behind the mask of Robin. The boy who was still Richard.

(Her Richard, even before she became aware of her possessiveness of her classification of him belonging to her.)

But, when he first laid eyes on her, Raven saw something changed. There was no more pain and sadness encroaching on his reality, spinning deep into his soul. Instead, she saw the beginning of conviction and resilience chasing away the mortality in his eyes.  

Even before he crossed that street, before words were even spoken, and before he extended his hands to hers, Richard permitted and allowed her access into his soul. He saw in her something she had yet to see in herself. He saw her as a pathway for his redemption.

(Hers as well.)  

And, believe it or not, she let him in.

This is the beginning of a long list of unexplained and unexpected things that Raven would allow Richard to do. When she looks back upon all of this a few years down the road, she will mark this as the commencement, inception or whatever of their vow with each another.

Even if it was one-sided at first.

He bought her to Bruce that night, asking Batman if she can stay. Richard said that he will take care of her. Make her safe. Make her feel like she was already home. Make her feel like she belonged somewhere and to someone.

Raven is still amazed that Bruce allowed her to stay, even after she finally had the courage to tell the Dark Knight why she was here on Earth in the first place.

She wanted to escape her faith. She did not want to be anyone’s pawn. She wanted to be her own person.

She wanted to get to know the place her father deemed insignificant and therefore important enough to takeover and start his reign. She wanted to know why.  

Of course, Raven did not tell Batman all of this. Just the important bits. She was lost. She was from another planet. She had nowhere to go.

Not until she met Richard.

His beauty is not because of his appearance. That is not why she thought of that word when she first saw him.

Raven could already feel from his presence from across the street that his view of the world is unblushingly hopeful, even before the sadness was chased from his eyes by the sight of her. He was literally the light at the end of her tunnel. At the end of everyone’s tunnel.

She needed that. She needed that unrelenting hope. She needed someone to feel for her when she couldn’t herself.

Richard also trusted her. He even said that as he tried to persuade Bruce to let her stay. He allowed its easy passage from his lips, saying the sentence that so few heard before and even fewer were the object of.

“I trust her with my life.”

_He trusts me._

She didn’t trust him, not at that moment. Richard could sense that, even back then. Even young, he still have the skills of a trained detective.

Stubborn, too.

He didn’t stop trying to get her to trust him. Not even when he became Robin, Batman’s sidekick, nor when he became the leader of the Teen Titans.

He wouldn’t stop trying. He wouldn’t let her go. He wouldn’t let her be.

This is what she thinks as she watch her friends try to save her from becoming the portal. They are here for her. They want to save her.

She doesn’t know how she gotten this lucky. Oh, so very lucky.

She was born from darkness, and here they were. They want to be her light. They want to chase her demons away for her. They want to travel to the end of the world with her and for her.

And that boy. That extraordinary boy.

Raven makes eye contact with Robin. He can sense that she is about to let go. He can feel his heart ripping into a million of pieces as she said,  “I’m sorry.”

_I’m sorry._

Suddenly, her world bursts into white light and flashes of memories explodes beneath her eyelids. Memories of her friends, of her surrogate city, of her teammates, of him.

And then she feels it. His emotions.

Despair. Anguish. Love.

Hope.

There is still hope in him.

How is it that there is still hope in him?

In a time in which all hope was lost, all light extinguished, and all speck of good was gone, there is still faith from him in her.

Raven sees it. She feels it with every fiber of her being. The reason why he believes in her. The illogical reason why he always stand by her side. Always by her side.  

It takes the end of the world for her eyes to be opened. And, of course, like another cliché, her heart.

Rationality is thrown out the window.

It is time to be irrational. Preposterous. Absurd.

Be herself.

Believe in him.

Richard.

Not as the masked leader of the Teen Titans, but as the boy who saved her that night.

Richard, the one who’ve always been there for her.

Richard, the one who is always there, even now when the world had ended.

Raven has trust in him to bring her back. She finally gives into the possibility that someone can save her. She wants him to prove her wrong. She wants him to show her that there are such things as happy endings.

Raven finally believes in Richard. It just took her too long to realize it. Or, maybe she has always known. **  
**

But, now...

_Save me._

_I know you will._

_I’m here. I’m always here._

_..._

_I love you, too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally published on FF.net


	2. Starvation

“Just come,” said Robin, as he extended his right hand to Raven. It was dark outside and he could hear two of his teammates ‘trying’ to cook in the kitchen. “Unless you want to eat one of Starfire’s new concoction or Beast Boy’s tofu turkey _and_ chicken for dinner, then I seriously do not know you as I think I do.”

Raven’s eyes never wavered from the lines of her book, nor did she made any indication that she heard her leader even speak.

Robin playfully pouted at her lack of response. “Come on, Rae. I know how much you want to try that new Italian restaurant by the pizza place. I saw you eying it. It will be my treat.”

Suddenly, a voice. “I rather starve than go out with you unaccompanied.”

He dropped his hand. “I do not know what you are talking about.”

She turned a page.

“Silent treatments do not work on me, Raven. You of all people should know that,” said Robin with a tease in his voice. “And, I seriously do not know what you are talking about.”

“I will not spell it out for you, bird brain. Either you get what I’m talking about, or you don’t,” replied Raven in her monotone voice, though Robin could hear a slight tension with each and every word spoken. “So leave. If you don’t, suffer.”

Memories of their last outing alone flooded his mind. Now that was a fun night. Robin tried to control the grin that is threatening to erupt on his face.

He failed.

“You can’t be mad about that.”

Raven’s mouth formed a thin line as she refuses to acknowledge Robin’s existence. She turned another page and held the book up so it’ll cover Robin’s face from her view.

Robin’s grin grew. “Oh, you are. You are mad about that. That _incident_.”

Raven closed her book with a loud thud and stood up. She glared at the leader of the Teen Titans before making her way out of the living room and toward the elevator.

Robin followed closely behind her, not wanting to lose the fight nor wanting to spend an evening eating questionable food. “Aw, come on, Rae,” teased the teenager. “It wasn’t that embarrassing! It was humorous, amusing even.”

The tower’s resident goth considered the options she was given: dropping Robin into the cold, cold sea or transporting him into the currently occupied kitchen and trapping him there with Starfire and Beast Boy.

“Leave me alone or I’ll call Bruce and tell him about the incident with the balloon, a small child and a certain masked hero’s fixation with pyrotechnics,” said Raven, slowly. She pulled her hood up and turned away from Robin as she waited for the elevator to come.

Robin laughed, not taking her warning seriously. “I’m sorry. I promise that this time it will be different.”

Raven turned and glared at him.

“And private. Definitely private,” he quickly added.  

The elevator’s doors opened. Raven was about to get in when Robin suddenly walked ahead and blocked her way. He held up his right pinky finger. “I pinky promise,” said the teenager with all the seriousness he could mustered, meaning there was none.

“We are not five years old, Robin,” said Raven. She eyed his extended pinky then him, before adding,“Well, I’m not.”

Robin dropped his hand. “Rae, what can I say to make you come out with me and enjoy an edible and normal dinner without the fear of wondering what you are eating and how it would come out later?”

A crash was heard from the kitchen, followed by a female voice apologizing profusely. A black smoke started to creep into the living room and the smell of sweat and questionable cuisine invaded Raven’s nostrils.  

She re-evaluated her options. She did not eat anything today and the thought of Starfire’s and Beast Boy’s cooking did not settle well with her.

Or any time for that matter.

“No cameras?” asked Raven. She crossed her arms and glared at the boy before her.

Robin smiled, teeth showing. He held up three of his fingers from his right hand. “Scouts honor. No cameras.”

“Doesn’t count,” replied Raven, shooting down his scouts honor. Robin playfully pouted again before lowering his hand. “No admirers?”

“No admirers.”

“No kissing?”

Silence.

“Robin,” said Raven, angrily. “Those are my terms.”

“Well, I cannot not kiss you. You’re kissable,” said Robin. His grin was back on his face.

Raven sighed and pushed Robin out of her way with her powers.

Robin, making a last-ditch effort to get her out of the tower, said, “It wasn’t even us kissing that made our last outing memorable. It was you falling into the water fountain trying to get away from all those paparazzi that made that night memorable. I have the tabloids to prove it.”

“Do not speak of that event,” said Raven through clenched teeth. She angrily pushed the elevator buttons. “I still can’t believe you bought the papers and taped it all over my room.”

“I still have copies.”

Raven shook her head. “Definitely a bird brain,” she mumbled.   

“Consider them burned.”

Raven just continued pushing on the buttons, willing with all her might for this stupid metal box to _finally_ move.  

Robin took hold of her hand, stilling it from assaulting the elevator repeatedly. “I’m sorry about that. It was lousy of me to do what I did, but that shouldn’t dictate our future engagements.”

Raven rolled her eyes.

“Okay, what about this instead? I’ll just order it to go and we’ll eat the food in your room,” suggested Robin. This conversation was not going his way at all.

Raven pulled her hand away from his grasp. After giving Robin one last glare, she opened a portal and stepped through it, leaving the male teenager all alone in the elevator.

Robin sighed and brushed back his hair. That girl is impossible. Lovable, but impossible. Suddenly, he heard her voice in his mind.

_Don’t forget the garlic bread._

Robin smiled and proceed out of the small enclosed room.

If she thinks he won’t kiss her tonight, even with garlic breath, think again.


	3. Two Roads

This is Raven’s story. The one that could’ve and would’ve been.

She would’ve arrived at Earth and met no one. No Teen Titans and especially no boy wonder.

She would’ve walked alone in her path of no redemption, living off the streets and fearing any and every living being.

She would’ve seen the mistreatments and the misdeeds done to those deemed lesser. The poverty and violence would color her perception of the planet she currently inhabit.

She would’ve started to see no redeeming value, no reason for her to even try to change her course of destiny. Why give attempt and hope to those who didn’t even give a shit about saving their own?

In this what-if universe, there were no last minute saves and especially no heroes.

The day of her birth would arrive. Those who’ve heard about her and her destiny would try to defeat her, even kill her before the prophecy have a chance to come to pass.

There would be a team of teen superheroes who would’ve discovered her existence. They would’ve tried to stop her in the months leading up to her day of her birth. It would not work. Her father made sure of that.

She wouldn’t trust anyone, let alone a team of freaks. She would not let them get close to her. She would not let them touch her. She would not let them control her.

She was already being controlled by her faith.

There would be nightmares, of course. Dreams about the horror to come, the loneliness and despair. She did not care for those emotions anymore.

Like it was said before, Earth had no redeeming value. She would’ve seen rapes, murders, corruption and wars. Babies killed and men committing horrid crimes. Women, too.

Even the team of superhero freaks had no redeeming value. They were narcissistic and ignorant. They saw her as a demon, and therefore should be killed. They only see the damage done by her powers. They would not try to get to know her. They think she wants the prophecy to pass.

They were wrong. Everyone was wrong.

She would be tired. Tired of being someone’s pawn. Tired of trying to see the good and the light when darkness so easily welcomes her.

She would’ve had no one in this what-if universe.

Her father would be right. There would be no one there to care for her. To teach her from right and wrong. To give her something to give a damn.

She so desperately wants to see the good and the light, but the darkness is always there.

The day of her birth would come. She would’ve become the portal.

Sure, there were some trying to stop her.

They would fail. They always do.  

She would’ve not care. She would’ve not give a damn. She would’ve allow her father through, without fight and without forethought. There would be nothing for her here.

She would’ve died and she would’ve taken humanity’s last chance with her. Though that isn’t fair.

Humanity never had a chance.

This is Raven’s story.

However, this was a could’ve. A would’ve. A parallel universe of what ifs and different paths.

This what really happened. This what came to passed.

Raven met a boy and with that boy, friends.

Her friends allowed her to be herself and gave her guidance. They teased. They had fun. They even cried. Raven knew the importance of friendship because her friends did not let her suffer alone. They experienced joy and tragedy together.

Raven saw the beauty of humanity and the ugliness of humanity. Still, she wants to save it. To know happiness, one must experience sadness and Raven knows sadness.

Raven knows the prophecy must come to pass. That could never be stop. However, she knows that this is not the end. She held on.

She held on as the world descended to red and black and madness.

She held on as her friends tried the impossible.

She held on as Robin, the first person she met when she arrived here on Earth, traveled to the depths of hell with the very person he despised with every fiber of his being. He faced evil just to save her.

He was the key difference between the what-if universe and this one. He made her feel. He made her be someone, her own self, and not just her father’s pawn. He gave her back her identity.

He was the failsafe to the prophecy.

Her father could’ve not have imagined one lone human boy capturing her heart and her soul. Someone who didn’t care that she is a demon and utterly different from himself. Her father could’ve not have seen it. Could’ve not of seen him.  

She held on. She did the impossible. She made sure that she did not die a useless death.

In this reality, she would not go down without giving a fight.

Robin knows this, so did her friends. Beast Boy, the one who always tried to make her laugh. Starfire, her only and best female companion one could ever wished for, though do not tell her that. Cyborg, the one who always made sure she was included and acted like her big brother.

But Robin always made sure she was safe. If she wasn’t, he made it so. He cared for her and she cared for him.

The prophecy did not stand a chance.

What a difference one person makes. A universe in which he was there and a universe in which he was not.

There are two roads to every situation. One must make a choice.

And, on that day, the day Raven arrived on Earth, she made a choice.

She saw the boy staring at her from across the street.

She saw his eyes.

She reached out and decided to walk beside him to the end of days.

However, it was not only her choice that faithful day. It was also the boy’s. And the boy wanted to save her.

He could’ve stayed back at mansion with his surrogate father. He could’ve went out with Alfred on his day off. He could’ve done a bunch of other things.

But he didn’t.

He doesn’t care for what-ifs and could’ves, only what was done. And what was done was him meeting her and that all he cared about.

Meeting her changed his destiny as much as it changed hers.  

There was never a second chance. He believes in the first, the one that matters. He wouldn’t dare dream about another reality in which she wasn’t in his life.

He cares for her, so much so it frightens him. He wants to see her smile. He wants to know that she is safe. He wants to be there for her.

She also wants to be there for him.

And, she does.

When Robin walked the depths of hell, she is there. He was the one who guided her out. But it was her team that allowed her to face her fears and fight her father.

She couldn’t have done it without them. She especially couldn’t have done it without him.

Who cares about what-ifs? She is here with them now and he is here with her now.

As it should be.


	4. Rainbow

“Richard, why the hell are you up at six am?” asked Raven as she made her way into the kitchen, rubbing and squinting her eyes. “It’s a Saturday and the sun is barely up."

“I know what day it is, Raven,” said Richard with a sigh, “and I have eyes.” He made no motions to move from his spot, though he nodded his head in Raven’s direction in acknowledgement of her arrival.

“Answer the question, Richard. I’m too tired to deal with your nonsense.” Raven cleared her throat as she made her way over to the sink. Richard was currently by the window watching the thunderstorm brewing outside Wayne manor.

“Waiting for the storm to pass, I guess,” he said nonchalantly.

“That is not an answer,” said Raven. She got out a glass and filled it up with water before heading over to stand by the boy. “Why?”

Richard gave her a look before turning his attention back to the storm. “I want to see the rainbow.”

Raven raised her eyebrows. Sensing that this was a normal occurrence, she waited patiently besides him. He’ll eventually talk given time.

The two watched as the storm pelt rain and blew debris around. The wind outside provided the noise to fill the space between the two teens. It was not uncomfortable, however. The silence was comforting. It was never awkward between the two of them, not even during the period when they first met months ago, when silence was their daily conversations.

Raven took another sip. Maybe she should’ve offered Richard a drink. Is that something customarily done here?

As Raven pondered on her thoughts, Richard suddenly spoke up again. “I use to do this with my mother, back when I was afraid of thunder and lightning.”

“You? Afraid of something? I don’t believe that.”

Richard shrugged. “We were all young once.”

Raven nodded and again focused her attention on the storm outside. It was rare for him to speak about his parents, though he still share his past with her, even with something this personal. She had yet given him anything in return, other than the basic likes and dislikes, which Richard figured out by himself rather than her telling him. Raven was amazed he wasn’t frustrated with her lack of sharing yet.

He was still a stranger to her, though no stranger would’ve done what he had done for her.

“What did you guys use to do?”

Richard smiled sadly as he thought back on his now deceased mother. There was silence for a bit, before he said, “We would wait out the storm. For some reason, every time there was a storm this big and this destructive, I thought that the world was going to end.”  

Raven paused mid-drink. “Why did you think that?”

“Silly reasons, really. I thought that the heavens were mad at me because I did something wrong.”

Raven nodded. “So what did you do this time? Accidentally break something of Bruce’s again?"

Richard gave a small laugh and shook his head. “That was an accident and I’m more afraid of Alfred than Bruce, if I did break something.”

A flash of lightning lit the room. A couple of seconds later the sound of thunder demanded attention from the two teens.

Richard played with the hem of his shirt. Talking about his parents....it was not an easy thing to do. Still isn’t. However, having Raven listen to him on the occasions he does open up, it just seems natural. It seems right, like she deserve to know about his parents.

“Thunderstorms usually paint things grey. The clouds would saturate everything, making everything dull and lifeless. Rainbows are proof that this will not last forever.”

Raven gave this a thought. “So it’s a beacon.”

Richard gave Raven a look. “Beacon?”

“Your mom. It’s her way of saying that everything will be all right.”

Richard smiled. He never thought of it that way. “I guess.”

“And I don’t think the world would end because of some silly thunderstorm. I think humanity can take more than a little bit of water and wind,” said Raven. She gave this another thought. “Not so sure on how much more.”

Richard bumped Raven playfully with his shoulder. “I think humanity can withstand anything.”

“Well, that’s one of us.”

The two silently continued watching the storm outside. Raven stifled a yawn, an action that did not go unnoticed by Richard.

“You know that this storm will not end for another day or two,” Raven stated. She rubbed some tears from her eyes.   

“I know,” acknowledged Richard. He gave Raven another look. She is still here with him, even after that acknowledgement. Maybe she did like his company after all. However, the tiredness from her eyes, a worry that’s etched into her being, suggested that she was hiding something from him. The way she clutched her cup when they spoke and the way she purposely avoided his eyes as well as her limited movements suggested something she was purposely trying not to give away. Maybe they weren’t as close as he thought they were. It could also be that he was tired as well and he was reading too much into his friend.

Richard shook that thought away. Raven was more than his friend. He just wants her to trust and acknowledge that he isn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon. “Are you going back to sleep?”

Raven shook her head. “Not sleepy.” She stifled another yawn.

Looking at her glass of water, Richard asked, “Have you ever try coffee?”

Raven made a face. “Too strong.”

“Tea?” suggested Richard.

Raven titled her head to the side. “I don’t think so.”

Richard grinned. “I can make you my world famous tea! Filled with honey and milk. You would literally die from bless.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “Stop being melodramatic.”

“Come on, Rae! We need something to keep us up for the next day or two.”

“I would not stay up for the next two days, Richard, no matter your sob story, but sure. I would love to have some of your tea.”

Richard reached out to grab Raven’s hand. “You will not be disappointed.”

Raven allowed him to lead her away from the window and back into the kitchen’s depths. She tighten her grip and gave Richard a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sure I won’t be.”


	5. Breaking the Rules

His parents died. No use in crying over that.

Okay, fine.

Here’s the truth.

He did cry. He cried for two whole days. His parents died in front of his eyes, for pete’s sake. However, he vowed on the third day to not let this tragedy hold him back. What was done is done. No use in trying to change the unchangeable.

_Rule #7: There is no one to hold your hand. Ever. Don’t even wish for it._

Bruce came along not soon after. The billionaire became his surrogate father. Alfred became his extended family. They did not provide him an easy childhood. He had to work. He had to prove to them worthy of being theirs. He had to show them that he was capable of being better, because he is better.

_Rule #5: There is always someone better. Be better than that someone._

He had rules for almost everything. When and how to address others. What he should do to gain favors with his superiors and enemies and friends. There were no limits on what he could do. There were no limits on what he should do. There were no limits on anything, really. Limits were excuses for losers when they ultimately fail. He is not a loser. That concept had no place, nor meaning in his world.

The death of his parents made his heart cold. It became even more chilled and even more barren as time went on.

_Rule #9: Life is not yours to keep. It is yours to exploit._

Alfred would try to maintain a veil of normalcy mixed in with Bruce’s extravagant social life and vigilante tendencies. It usually didn’t go far. Bruce always came first. He was first. No use in denying that.

He just had himself and that was fine.

It was enough. It should be enough.

It was not.

However, he can’t change that. There was no use in trying to change his fucked up life the universe bestowed on him.

_Rule #1: There is no one. Do not even dream of one. There is no one out there fighting for you. You only have yourself._

There is no one who cared enough to look out for you.

They’re gone.

This was how he lived his life, day in and day out.

Boring, isn’t it? Tedious, as well. Lonely is the word people often used.

He didn’t feel sorry for himself. Not anymore. He felt sorry for everyone else. He figured out the world, the mundane and the fast-track. It was all the same. People wanted connections. They craved for a link, a bond, something to tie them to the world. It’s messy. He doesn’t do messy. Heck, it was one of his many rules, his whole ‘do not give a shit’ take on life.

His only connections to the world died. Go figures.

So, instead of connecting, he decided to be better. Be the best. He learned how to read social cues and navigate parties thrown by billionaires from Bruce. He trained under Batman, throwing the Joker into Arkham Asylum and chasing after the Penguin. He learned how to hack into the police database. He picked fights with bullies in alleyways. He needed to prove to himself he could manipulate and fix situations to his benefits. Only him. No one else.

Then one night he decided to take a walk and he saw her. That girl.

He can’t explain it. He can’t explain what he saw in her eyes. It was like looking into a mirror reflecting him. He saw in her the loneliness he was afraid of confronting. He saw that she was also a lost cause. She was also a lonely creature, having no one caring for her or have her cared for another. However, she was not entirely lost. He saw in her a will to fight. There was resilience in her eyes. She had the will to live, moving beyond the tragedy that brought her there in the first place. She had the courage and the bravery to face the universe and spit at it. She provided him with something that was missing from his life.

He saw in her the change he could be.

So, he took her hand and let her walk into his life.

And one by one his rules began to fail.

His first rule to break? Placing trust in others. He gave that up easily. He didn’t even notice. He told her stories about his past. He made sure that she’s well taking care off. He allowed her to save him when they went patrolling.

She also gave him the courage to break free from Bruce and start his own team, one of the most terrifying and rewarding decision he ever made. He allowed her to open his heart a bit more, filling it with friends and allies and, amazingly, a city, a home he thought he never knew he will have again.   

His life became hers. Hers became his. Their team became their own and the team became the city’s heart and soul.

There is hope in life. There is grace, beauty and elegancy in life. There is no exploitation. Not anymore. His view of the world changed for the better, though don’t tell her that. He doesn’t want to give too much credit to her. She has the tendency to be smug.

Everything is right in the world, but yet he can’t shake the feeling that something is going to go wrong. Something always go wrong. When things goes wrong, people die. He can’t go through that. Not again.

He just hope that he is there to stop whatever it is from happening, whatever evil the universe had planned for him.

Or, maybe he shouldn’t be worried. He has her by his side. She has given him the will to fight. He has his team and they have the city.

She already broken his first rule, that there is no one in the world for him. She is someone. She is his someone. She is the team’s someone. She is someone to the world.

Cheesy?

Yes.

Too happily ever after?

Maybe.

The truth?

Definitely.

There are no more rules. There is just the present and the now.

It’s just simpler that way. More fulfilling. More fun. More alive.

He has friends. He has allies. He has her. Life is actually worth living now. There is no more anxiety. There is no more lonely nights. There is no more darkness and coldness.

Who would’ve known that a girl would change his outlook in life so dramatically? Maybe he was looking for something. Maybe he was looking for a connection. He was just disappointed that he couldn’t find one. He gave up on the universe. Faith decided otherwise.

He was not Bruce. He was not the protege the Dark Knight wanted him to be. He was never meant to be.

He’s his parent’s little boy. His parent’s pride and joy. They gave him the ability to love, the ability to share, the ability to embrace the goodness in the world as well as give a big, fat finger to the world.

She reminded him of them. She gave him back the family he lost. He didn’t even know that he was looking for a family.

She is not his weakness. She is his strength.

Who gives a fuck about impending doom anyway?


	6. 67%

“Robin, you can’t be serious,” said Raven as the boy in question smiled smugly. The empath had just barely knocked on Robin’s door before it suddenly opened and she was pulled inside.

“Come on, Rae. It’s just a test. There’s nothing to be afraid off,” replied the leader of the Teen Titans. He was currently sitting on a chair opposite her while she was occupying his bed. There was an opened laptop on his desk next to his PC. Both machines were on the same website.  

“No. I have everything to be afraid of,” said Raven. She narrowed her eyes. “You are being competitive.” She focused her eyes on his laptop before looking back at him. “Again.” Her monotone words were beginning to have an edge to them.

As usual, Robin ignored her tone. “I just want to know how we stand as a couple. How is that competitive?” His eyes soften behind the mask as he reached over and grabbed her hands. He brought them to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

Raven rolled her eyes, as she was used to his antics. “You believe so little of us that you need a computer generated test to determine how compatible we are?”

“Yes,” said Robin, nodding his head enthusiastically. He gripped her hands a bit tighter.

“Do you actually believe that?” asked Raven.

“No.”

“You just want to beat Cyborg and Bumblebee?”

“Yes.”

Raven was silent for awhile before sighing. “Fine.” She pulled her hands out of his grip. “No cheating.”

Robin smiled and quickly grabbed his laptop. He handed the machine to her before he turned to his PC. “When have I ever cheated before? I don’t cheat.”

Raven took one last long look at the back of his head and the computer monitor before him. “Hmm hmm.”

xXxXxXx

“So, apparently we are 33% compatible,” Raven said as she looked over the results. She turned over the laptop so Robin could also see the results.

“You gotta be kidding me,” replied Robin. He took the laptop from her and began furiously scrolling through the webpage. He then turned back to his PC and back to the laptop again.

“That means we are 67% incompatible.” Raven nodded her head once. “Does this mean we should break up? Let’s break up. The test obviously say that we should not be a couple.” She pointed her right index finger at Robin before pointing back at herself. “We are not good for each other”

“I can’t tell if you are being serious right now or humoring me.” Robin frowned at the test results before slamming shut the laptop. He turned away from his desk to look at Raven.

“You use to be able to tell,” Raven half-heartedly said. “This is a sign. Definitely a sign.”

“Raven.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“You were the one who wanted to take this test. Should I tell Cyborg and Bumblebee our results? Or what about the tabloids? I’m sure a few of your fangirls will be glad to hear about our results and our subsequent break-up.”

“Raven, please. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you take the test.”

“But I’m sure some of your fans know all about the great boy wonder. For example, they all must know your favorite color, which is red, by the way.”

“It’s blue.”

“Or how many kids you want, which is an absurd question to ask. You want four kids,” said Raven, ignoring her earlier mistake.  

“Two.”

“Or what you like to do if you have a day off. Go through cold cases.”

“Read.”

“You just proven my point. Let’s break up,” said Raven, sighing dramatically. She crossed her arms and smiled. “This test, after all, might save us from years of fights and tears. I think it’s best if we call it quits now and save us the pain later on.”

Robin titled his head a bit and stared at her. After a moment of silence, his eyes lit up and he smirked. “Or we could figure out the problem right now and fix it.”

“I think it’s a rather big problem to fix if we are only 33% compatible, Robin,” replied Raven. She mirrored his smirk.

“I don’t think so. I think it’s mostly one-sided. Your favorite color is also blue.”

Raven shrugged her shoulders. “So you got one.”

“You also want two kids, a boy and a girl. And when you have time to kill, you would rather hang out with the team, before reading.”

Raven frowned as she considered his words. “You are saying that I’m the problem.”

“I’m not saying anything. It’s just an observation.”

“The test means nothing anyway,” said Raven, ignoring her previous half-hearted attempts to validate the results by having them break up. “What can a computer generated test tell about human relationships anyway?”

Robin laughed. “You’re just sore that you know next to nothing about me, Raven.”

“It’s trivial stuff, Robin. It doesn’t build a relationship,” replied Raven. Who cares if she doesn’t know his favorite color? What’s important is living through milestones and mundane events together as well as not wanting to be apart _from each other_ that should count.

“Most people say that it is the foundation of a relationship.”

“But we are not like most people, Robin,” said Raven. She gave it a thought before continuing, “We are what I want to describe as an irregular orbit.”

“Irregular orbit?” questioned Robin. It is rare for Raven to openly talk about their relationship, her feelings about the two of them together or how she feels when others couldn’t even perceive them as being capable of getting together. Robin cherished moments like this. He just wished others see this side of Raven more often.  

“Hmm hmm.”

“How so?”

“We are not perfect for each other. We fight. We tease. We might not talk to each other for a week because we are both stubborn, but we always gravitate back to each other. We can’t get away from each other.”

“And here I thought you want to break up,” he teased, smiling.  

Raven rolled her eyes. “You know I do not like it when you get competitive.”

Robin snapped his finger at her with his right hand. “I knew it! You sabotage the test!”

“I did no such thing,” replied Raven. “I am hurt that you even thought that.” She playfully pouted her lips before standing up from the bed.

“What did you do? Hack into the system? Randomly answer the questions?”

Raven was silence for a bit, before saying, “I looked over your shoulders and made sure my answers were not the same.”

Robin’s mouth fell opened. “But how….”

Raven shrugged her shoulders. “You tend to not notice your surroundings when you are determined….and competitive.”

Robin reached for the laptop. “We are doing this again.” A beat. “And I am not competitive.”

Raven sighed. “Robin.”

“This time you will answer truthfully,” said Robin as he ignored her sigh.  

Raven shook her head. “I’ll see you at dinner, Robin.” She gave him one last look before opening a portal beneath her feet and floating through it.

“Raven!” yelled Robin. “This is not over! We will take the test again!”

Hearing silence in response, Robin sighed and got off his chair. He flopped down onto his bed and rubbed his eyes behind his mask.

_Just because you could teleport yourself out of a conversation, doesn’t mean you should teleport yourself out of the conversation. It’s just not fair._

“Raven, this is not over!”


	7. Flowers

Raven could see her breath in the breeze, white wispy trails escaping from her mouth and nostrils. The cold evening air bit into her skin as she hugged her cape closer to her body trying to find warmth and comfort winter was depriving her from. Thoughts plaguing her mind finally drove Raven out onto the roof and into the chilly winter evening. She didn’t want to feel uncertain and aimless in her room, nor did she want to impose her moodiness onto her teammates. It was just something about this time of year, when the sun barely peeked out from behind the clouds and the falling snow colored the world white. This was the time of year Raven feels most alone, but yet most alive. She held affection for snow; its ability to bring out the child of even the most harden adult. She held disdain for the ice and the biting cold and the damage both could inflict on the helpless. 

Raven shouldn’t be out on the roof. She should be out with Starfire at the mall buying enough presents to line a pathway to the moon and back. Or helping out Cyborg with decorating the Tower and filling their home with Christmas lights and other assorted holiday decorations. He would’ve pestered her into singing carols, loud and clear, making sure she wouldn’t feel embarrassed for joining in. She didn’t mind in skipping out with helping Beast Boy, however. Raven didn’t want to be in the same kitchen with a person who eats Tofurky, even if he was just making holiday cookies.  

Raven was fine where she was. The winter air smelled fresh, clearing her mind from worries from days past. The snow was still a novelty, not yet the sluggish mess it will become. The lights from the city were blinking off and on providing a beacon off in the distance. 

It was nice out here. It was peaceful. It was a nice respite from the worries and troubles that been nagging her mind lately, which, to be honest, were superficially things, really. There were so many things to think upon and so many other things to do. She just needed to escape for a minute or two. She needed to be able to breathe again. 

Raven tilted her head back and closed her eyes. A breeze from the ocean slowly made its way across the roof gaining traction before disappearing off the other side, her hair swaying back and forth and her cape making a rustling sound. The chilly winter air rubbed against her bare skin raising goosebumps and initiating a small shiver from the empath. 

The evening was quiet and the air around her was still. There were no alarms for her to hear, only foghorns, warnings of a different kind. There were no criminals breaking in somewhere or stealing something. There was no need to hunt for Slade tonight. The thoughts and worries that were plaguing her were mercifully silent. Everything was perfect. 

“Robin, I’m an empath. We also have a bond. You sneaking up on me will always result in failure.”

Robin stepped up beside Raven, his hands behind his back. “I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you. I just happened to walk quietly up to you,” said Robin, justifying his actions to her.  

“Hmm hmm.” Another breeze came through and Raven unconsciously leaned toward Robin’s warmth.  

Robin mirrored Raven, head tilted back and eyes closed listening to the sounds around them. “What are you thinking about?”

“Snow. It never fails to amaze me,” replied Raven. She opened her eyes and gave Robin a disbelieving look. “You didn’t have to come and get me. I wasn’t planning on staying up here long.” 

Robin nodded. “I know.” He gave Raven a smile before looking out to Jump City, the tall buildings across the waters were becoming silhouettes as the last remaining sunlight slowly drifted away from view. “I always prefer looking at the city during twilight.” 

“I know.” She followed his gaze as they shared a moment, both lost in their thoughts as the city before them got artificially brighter as the sun finally bowed away from the horizon. 

Raven glanced back at Robin, noting his posture and smirk he currently held in place. “Robin, what are you…”

Not letting Raven finish her sentence, Robin revealed what he was hiding behind his back. It was a bouquet of flowers tied together by a purple ribbon and nestled among red tissue papers. Raven was stunned for a moment; her words gotten lost in her throat. 

“Blue roses,” said Robin as he voiced her thoughts. “I knew that you liked them.”

Raven gently took the flowers from Robin’s hands being careful not to harm or damage a single petal, the paper creating a rustling noise between them. “It can’t be real,” she whispered. The flowers’ beauty reflected in her eyes making them blue for just a moment. “You cannot find blue roses in nature,” explained Raven. “Roses don’t have the pigment to make them blue.” 

“Normally you don’t find them in nature, but these are not exactly blue roses,” said Robin, trying to explain to Raven how he came about in getting the roses. “I’m not entirely sure if they are actually flowers. Starfire helped me out. These are something anyone can find on her home planet.” 

Raven brought the roses close to her face and inhaled. A sweet scent as well as a hint of dirt colored her senses. The flowers were heavenly. “Thank you, Robin. I guess I should thank Starfire as well.”

Robin smiled, taking pleasure in seeing Raven’s eyes light up from the sight of the flowers. “You seemed a bit down lately. I wanted to do something for you, but I wasn’t sure what I should do. Beast Boy suggested that I surprise you with a snowball fight.” 

Raven arched her eyebrows at the suggestion. “Good thing you didn’t go with his idea. I don’t think we’re in the right season to take a swim.” 

Robin laughed humorously as he nervously ran his hand through his hair. He gave a slight shiver when he pictured the cold, dark waters below them. “Starfire wanted to hang mistletoes everywhere, even though I explained to her why it wasn’t so appropriate to do so, and Cyborg almost bought us tickets to a showing of  _ It’s a Wonderful Life _ .” 

“How romantic,” said Raven sarcastically, though she wouldn’t mind Cyborg’s suggestion. Other than Robin, Cyborg always seemed to somewhat understand her, a skill she wished Beast Boy would acquire. She didn’t put much weight on her wish, though. Raven always found Beast Boy’s jokes funny, but, please, don’t tell him that. 

“Exactly. Not very us.” Robin paused. Glancing at the empath quickly before staring at the darken sky suddenly filled with stars, he said, “Well, not very you.” 

Raven playfully hit Robin in the chest, knocking him a step or two back. “Hey, I resent that statement. I would’ve enjoyed watching a young Jimmy Stewart on the big screen.”

“Exactly. Competition,” said Robin, as he rubbed the area where Raven had hit him. 

“He’s dead!” Raven exclaimed. 

“Competition is still competition,” replied Robin. He took a step forward and placed a light kiss on Raven’s lips.

Raven sighed, before tugging the man before her closer. “You just wanted to think something up on your own.” 

“So I thought I should get you something that I know you love but don’t have,” said Robin, his gaze returned to the sky above them, not sure if he should take full credit for his gift or not. Starfire did helped.  

“Hence, the blue roses,” finished Raven. 

Robin nodded. He brought his head down and looked lovingly at the girl before him. “Hence, the blue roses.” 

Raven smelled the roses again.

“I looked it up, by the way,” continued Robin. “What blue roses signifies.” Robin brought up his right hand and began to play with a strand of Raven’s hair, using his thumb and index fingers to rub circles. 

“Enlighten me, bird brain,” said Raven. She broke a rose from its stem and placed it behind one of her ears. 

“Mystery. Enigmatic. The unknown. Unattainable. Because I gave you blue roses, it means that I have given you much thought.” Robin lightly touched the flower in her hair, pleased to have the plant shined under the moonlight. It looked beautiful on her, something out of a fairy tale. 

“Is that so?” asked Raven, her question had taken a slightly exaggerate tone. 

“Hmm hmm,” replied Robin. “It gives out an aura of mystery and it’s unattainable, since it not really found in nature. Blue roses conveys complexity, but they are also used to convey love.” Robin pulled Raven close, trying to let no space come between them, and gave her a small kiss against her lips before resting his forehead against hers. He was careful not to crush the flowers in her hands. 

They stood there for awhile, under the comfort of the artificial lights on the roof. The air didn’t feel as cold as it did before and the falling snow were gathering in the hair of the two birds. The roses shined brightly under the lights, the petals fluttering lightly in the winter breeze. “I think I hear Beast Boy calling for us,” Raven whispered. Her lips lightly moved against his when she spoke; her warmth breath gave heat to his chilled skin. 

“They can wait a little bit longer,” said Robin, pleadingly slightly. He gripped her hand a bit tighter, fearing if he let go she would retreat back to her cold demeanor she held all week. 

Raven smiled, eyes closed. “Thank you,” she uttered. The gravity of the two words did not go unnoticed by Robin.   

Robin pulled her a bit closer, not wanting to let her go, crushing his body against hers. “No,  _ thank you. _ ” 

After several moments had passed, Raven pulled free from Robin’s embrace. “We should go. They will come looking for us soon.” 

“Okay,” said Robin, reluctantly. 

Raven walked away from Robin as he took one last look at Jump City. Snow was still falling and the moon was now the one shining through between patches of clouds. Turning his back to the city lights, he followed Raven off the roof. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Information on blue roses were found on the website 'roseforlove.'


	8. Memory

“I remember the first time I saw them performed,” said Robin. It was a slow evening, and he had declined an invitation to go to the movies with the team. He found himself wandering around the tower before settling himself in Raven’s room, lying on the floor by her bed. The evening slowly passed with him not sure if he was waiting for the resident of the room to get back or not, wanting to be in her company or just avoiding his room and the photographs beside his bed. Robin felt an emptiness, a hollow feeling deep inside his chest. The ache had always been there, but it grew gradually over the days, threatening to overtake his chest and heart. By the time Raven gotten back, the moon was already high up in the sky and he could hear a clock somewhere in the distance chimed eleven deafening times, the only company that stayed with him while his team had gone to see the latest blockbuster. Raven took one look at him in her room, a lone haunting figure lying on the floor, and settled down beside him, her head next to his, as they watched the moonlight on the wall move across her room. The silence in the room embraced them as the noise from the city provided them with comfort and solitude, the occasional sirens interrupting the sound of their breathing. It was only after Raven had been there for awhile, waiting for him to speak on his own terms, did Robin made any movement. “I was three, learning my ABCs. My mother would cry ‘genius!’ every time I learn a new word.”

Even in the darkness, Raven could picture Robin’s grin as he spoke affectionately about his mother, the infectious smile of his that would make even the most grumpy human smile in response. “She was proud of you, Robin,” said Raven, her voiced echoed a bit in the quiet room. “As mothers should be.”

“I don’t remember who was watching me, but I remember sneaking away and I finding myself inside the big tent.” Robin held out one of his gloved hand before him, his arm straight and fingers stretched apart. It was what he always did when he was young. He would feigned helplessness, his legs were puddle or he couldn’t bend his knees because of some evil wizard’s spell. Robin would lie on the floor and hold out his hands, begging his mom to help him up. He wanted to see her laugh and smile at his silly antic. Before she helped him up, she would say, “Of course, little one, anything for you.” He missed her voice, the lightness of her tone and the breathy way she would say his name, as if she couldn’t believe she gave life to the boy before her.

Robin used to spend days lying on the floor, even months after their death. He would be on the floor for hours, staring at the ceiling and imagining his mother walking in and chiding him for being childish. His name would rolled off her tongue in a swift and stern manner when she scolded him, losing her breathy way of talking that he and his father loved. His father once mentioned that her way of talking, the way she enunciated his name and the way she mispronounced certain words while making them even more lovely than the original pronunciation, was the reason why he fallen in love and married her. Alfred discouraged this past time, saying something about the floor messing up Robin’s clothes he had perfectly tailored. Alfred never did make him get up, though.

Bruce would just take one look and walk away, saying and acknowledging nothing. Robin would only know that he was there by the sound of Bruce’s footsteps walking away on the tiled floor. Bruce knew that Robin just wanted time alone to remember and grieved.  

Robin placed his arm back beside him, his hand balled into a fist. He didn’t need help getting up anymore. He didn’t have anyone to look after him anymore as well. He was the one that does the looking after now.

“What were they like? Your parents?” Raven’s voice was barely a whisper in the quiet room.

Robin took a moment before he answered. He could remember waking up to the smell of chamomile tea, his mother’s preference for all remedies. His father would read to him before he slept, making sure to check underneath the bed for monsters. The ache he would feel in his heart every time he caught a whiff of cigar smoke or daisies. It was still hard to talk about his parents, even after all this time. “My mother was sweet. She would let me get away with anything.”

Raven smiled. “I’m sure little you have gotten into all sort of trouble,” she replied. “What about your father?”

“He was humble. There would always be fans after the show and he was always astonished that people would wait and talk to him and my mother. And they were amazing,” exclaimed Robin, admiration and pride shined through his words. “They would fly through the air, hundreds of feet above the crowd as if it was _nothing_.” He could still hear the crowd, their surprise and their astonishment. The dead silence when his parents did an impossible feat before the crowd roared with applauses. When he was old enough and didn’t have to sneak away to watch his parents perform, he would stay by the sidelines and crossed his fingers and prayed to God nothing would happen to them. Unlike the crowd, he knew the dangers of being the acrobats his parents were, but even he thought nothing could harm them.

“I wish I could’ve seen them,” replied Raven.

Robin nodded. “You would’ve loved them. They were having so much fun up there and, of course, I wanted to join them. I foolishly thought they were like gods, till the day they weren’t.”

Raven turned her body toward Robin, her head facing his while he was still lying there staring at the ceiling. “What did you think of Bruce, taking you in after your parents died?”

Robin swallowed. He tried not to remember the months after their death, when his pain was still fresh and raw. Bruce may of let him grieve, but he still pushed Robin, making sure he’ll live out his potential, not wanting to see him fail. “Hard. Unforgiving. Ruthless.” Robin paused, before he gave a sigh of relief. “But I was been taking in by someone who always seen the sadness and the cruelty of the world. He cared for me, in his own way, though I think he likes you more than he likes me.”

Raven chuckled softly. “I don’t believe that.”

“You don’t know the effect you have on people, Raven.” He turned his body so he could he look at Raven. One thing he knew about Raven is that she never noticed the impact she had on people, like how Cyborg wouldn’t stop talking about his “baby” every time Raven ventured into the garage, giving her every single fact and detail about his car as she sat there quietly taking everything in. Raven would take Starfire out to explore Jump City, visiting everything from the mall to the park. Robin knows for a fact that the tall alien kept mementos and pictures of every outing the two had together. Raven allowed Beast Boy to be himself and even encourages it when others dismissed the green-skinned superhero as “not important.”    

“And you don’t know your worth, Robin,” said Raven, as if she could read his thoughts. She gave him a worried look. “How often do you think of the past?”

Robin shrugged his shoulders, or at least try to, given that he was lying down on the hard floor. His bones were beginning to ache after the long hours he have spent making the floor his home. “Not so much, but during this time of the year, I think of my parents almost daily.”

“Their anniversary,” said Raven in understanding.    

“Yeah, and I just _wished_ that they are alive and well and complaining about the way I live my life.” Robin gave Raven a small kiss on her forehead. He didn’t tell her about his parents’ wedding anniversary, but she inferred a few years ago when she found him with broken glass on the tabletop and a picture frame of their wedding day in his hands. That year was particularly rough and the memories of his parents’ death felt more hollow and deafening than years past.    

“So what parents normally do. Complain about their children.”

“And be secretly proud and brag to their friends about their superhero son,” explained Robin. He brought his hand up to brush away some of Raven’s purple hair from her face.

“Of course, they will,” agreed Raven, nodding as if she confirmed her suspicions on what normal parents would do. “Who wouldn’t want their son to be a superhero and savior of mankind? Or, at least, the savior to Jump City.”

Robin hummed in agreement, still playing with Raven’s hair while she watched him. They could hear the foghorns in the distance and a couple of seagulls off on the rocks by the shore, their calls reverberating off the windows and into the room. The sounds of waves hypnotically and rhythmically crashing into the shoreline provided a soothing pause in their conversation as Robin got lost in his thoughts and Raven got lost in Robin.

“Do you ever think about your mother?” asked Robin suddenly, shaking them both from the peaceful atmosphere that surrounded the two birds.

“Sometimes,” replied Raven. She closed her eyes and moved toward Robin’s touch. “But I don’t like to think about her too much.”

“Why?” Robin lightly touched the gem on Raven’s forehead, amazed of its presence there, before he trailed his fingers down her cheek.

Raven shifted her body a bit and used one of her hand to capture Robin’s. She brought his gloved hand to her lips and kissed his exposed forearm, before intertwining his fingers with hers and lying them down in the space between them. “I don’t think we should get lost in the past. We may permit ourselves to remember once in a while, but we should never make the past our home. You miss out on the present and your future will become nothing.”

“Because of your father?” He gave her hand a squeezed.

Raven’s shoulder stiffen a bit at the mention of her father. She removed her hand from his and settled back to her previous position, her back parallel to the floor and her eyes staring at the ceiling before her.   

“I don’t want to admit that my father has anything to do what I am today, but even I’m not that ignorant. I don’t have loving parents like yours, Robin. But he is my father. He shaped my past and he will probably shape my future, but you, Robin, also shaped my past and my future. So does Starfire, Beast Boy, and Cyborg. So does the manager at the pizza place we always go to and who greets us by name, the little girl in the park we occasionally see and gives us flowers, or even Slade. It just how we look at things, our perspective. We shouldn’t live in the past and we shouldn’t get lost in the possibility of a future. We need to live in the moment, be here in the present. It’s the only thing that is concrete and real.”

“Because the future is not definite?” asked Robin, knowing that out of everyone he knew, she was the one who can truly answer this question.

Raven nodded as she turned her head and gave him a smile. “The future is not definite.”

“And the past can’t be changed.”

“The past can’t be changed.”

Robin moved closer to Raven, kissing her hair and closing his eyes. “And I have you now.”

“You have me now.” Raven brought one of her hands up to run her fingers through Robin’s hair before she pulled him even closer.

“Good,” said Robin. The emptiness in his chest didn’t feel so heavy anymore. All he could smell right now were lavender and all he could feel right now is her. “I don’t want that to change. **”**


	9. Abandoned

Nightwing hadn’t spoken to Raven in two years. One hundred and fourteen weeks to be precise.

He didn’t know how it became like this, planning a life together five years down the line to being virtually strangers the next day. (Though they didn’t really planned anything. It was just an assumption that they will still be in each other lives further down the line when they outgrown the ‘teen’ part in Teen Titans. They wouldn’t have it any other way.)

It wasn’t his choice, or maybe it was. Nightwing never attempted to try to find her, let alone contact her. It was uncharacteristic of him, but every time he even thought about looking for her, guilt and shame and helplessness consumed him whole. She was better off without him, anyway. He was hurting, too. But it shouldn’t be about him. It should only be about her.

There was no inciting incident, no deal breaker fight in dismantling their relationship. There was no affairs. No lies. No secrets. They just stopped being a _we_ and started living their own life without each other, just to see if they could. (This were the lies he told himself from time to time when he permitted himself to think about his past because thinking about his past _fucking_ hurts. It was better than admitting that she up and left him when he couldn’t bring himself to comfort her after what happened.)

Nightwing moved to a new city after he broke up the Teen Titans. Blüdhaven, a sinister sounding name that fitted complementary to his now blackened heart. The villains were more cruel and his fighting style became more ruthless. Nightwing wasn’t afraid to bleed anymore. Every wound and every cut was a token that he was fucking alive and fighting to stay in the world. He didn’t really cared anymore about beating criminals to the brink of death before bringing them in to the police station. Batman would be disappointed. Nightwing wouldn’t know. He hadn’t spoken to his surrogate father in years.

Being a hero was now a job, something to do night in and night out. People couldn’t saved themselves and he had above average abilities in solving crimes and throwing a punch, so why not? Blüdhaven needed someone and he needed to leave old memories behind.

It was better this way. He didn’t have to worry and wonder and fucking care about anyone other than himself. There would be no guilt and no shame when he got injured on the job or almost fucking died. Nightwing couldn’t handle the responsibility anymore. He didn’t want to.

Starfire moved back home. Last he heard Cyborg and Beast Boy were tagging along with the Justice League here and there. Raven disappeared somewhere to better control and understand her powers. At least that what he told himself.

Nightwing tried not to follow up on his old teammates. He was not their father. He was not their leader anymore. Maybe he was afraid on what he might find if he went looking into the past, that he actually had compassion and kindness and empathy for his estranged friends.  

Okay, fine. There was an inciting incident. Something had happened that started his downward spiral to loneliness and darkness, back when he was known as _Robin_ and didn’t know any better.

They almost lost one of their own. They _did_ lose one of their own. Slade took Raven and held her captive and did god knows what for sixteen days before the team found her, barely alive and red eyes shone brightly from her face.

Actually, no. Scratched that. They did not find her. She freed herself. And she made goddamn sure that Slade was dead and gone and cold. She did not leave a stone left unturned.  

Nightwing couldn’t talk to her in the aftermath. He couldn’t allow himself to admit that he was not the hero in the story. That he did fucking nothing to keep her from harm. Raven didn’t want to talk about what happened. Instead she wanted to seal the incident away and tried to move forward, trying to take a step forward but in reality took many steps backward.

Nightwing should had known something like this was bound to happen. Slade had lost interest in him after Trigon, after he saw the unrelenting power Raven exerted. She had the fucking power to end the world. She had potential to be something Robin would never be when he was Slade’s apprentice: his.

Or maybe it was another way of claiming Robin, taking something that was his and tainting it with Slade’s own version of love and possession and control. Slade had the tenancies to know how to get underneath Robin’s skin, corrupting every fiber of his being: mentally, physically and spiritually. Slade always knew where to strike him down.

Nightwing wouldn’t let any enemies of his gain control of his life like that. He wouldn’t allow it. _Robin_ was weak and Nightwing was anything but weak.

The team was different after that. Starfire’s child-like wonder was lost. Cyborg became mechanical and withdrawn. Beast Boy’s curiosity was nowhere to be found.

Nightwing did tried. He was the team leader. Of course he had to put in some effort in healing the team.

Raven wouldn’t look him in the eyes anymore. She closed herself off. Her powers were growing and getting out of control more often than not. Her hair grew longer after every meditation. Her red eyes were becoming a staple. Anger was now her friend.

After too many battles lost due to the lost companionship within the structure of the team, Robin told the team that they would need to take a break from one another, to find themselves, to become whole again.

They went to bed that night believing that this was not the end. This was only a break. There would still be a team after all of this was over.

Raven was gone in the morning. There was a note with only one word written on the page, _Sorry_.

So, he did what he had to do. Broke the team up. Said good-bye. Abandoned the ideals he had when he first came to Jump City many years ago with only Raven by his side and a far-fetched dream.

What surprised Nightwing the most was that no one put up a fight. They were all so tired of pretending to be okay, of living each day in false pretenses. They already knew the unspoken truth underlying his words when he informed Beast Boy, Cyborg and Starfire of his plans: _He didn’t want to do this without her._  

Nightwing knew Raven enough to know what she really said with her note. _Don’t look for me. I don’t want to be found._

He ignored every phone call, every letter, every form of communication from his former teammates the next two years as he tried to move on, as he tried to honor Raven’s wishes when every cell in his body told him to go to her and never let her go.

Nightwing cut all ties to his past. He didn’t form acquaintances, nor friendships. He lived for solitude. It was what he deserved.  

However, Nightwing shouldn’t negate the bond they built and shared and strengthened as a team. He should know better. He did know better. They faced the end of the world together. They were broken, but Nightwing should know that they will not stay broken. Robin wouldn’t make this mistake and Richard always had unrelenting hope when it came to her. Because one day Beast Boy, the one who didn’t take things too seriously, the one always with a joke up his sleeves, he was the one who broke Nightwing out of his solitude and self-pity. It was he who set things back in motion after Nightwing lived the past two years in stalemate.

“I found her. I think it is time to bring her home.”

Nightwing tried not to let guilt and jealousy get in the way when he heard this. The words that should’ve been coming out of his mouth instead of the shape-shifter in front of him.

But he couldn’t. He shouldn’t. Nightwing was so tired in living this life. He missed her smiles and her quirks and her witty retorts. He missed how she held him tight during the night when they were sleeping, her head above his heart, listening to it beat. He missed how she was always the one to reached out for his hand while they were walking around, the girl who was so withdrawn when he first met her that it must be her seeking out comfort and heat.

Nightwing wanted to eat Starfire’s pudding of friendship. He wanted to build another car with Cyborg. He missed Beast Boy’s jokes and demeanor.

Nightwing didn’t shut the door in Beast Boy’s face, even though he wanted to. When Nightwing looked into Beast Boy’s eyes, it suddenly brought him back to that night so very long ago when he first met Raven.

It was time to stop sleepwalking through his life.

He needed to tell her that she shouldn’t be sorry. He was the one who should apologize. This time he would be there for her. Like he was in days past. He just lost himself for a bit. Slade had taken over his life and tainted it. But he was not here anymore. No longer painting the world black with black. Nightwing was ready to live again. He was really to be whole and he was really to bring the team back together again. Nightwing would not take no for an answer.

It was time to become a family again.


	10. Heaven

The grass brushed against her back as Rachel lied down, giving her small tickling sensations while she used an old battered newspaper to shield her eyes from the sun above. It was an abnormally hot summer day. The air barely moved and sweat clung to her skin, but it felt good to be outdoors for once. It felt nice to feel the hot, slightly blazing heat on her skin as the sun made its predetermined trek across the horizon. Rachel felt alive, her very being barely contained within her. There were no walls to hold her in place, metaphorically or physically.

Today was a beautiful day. An exquisite day. A lethargic day. The perfectly, puffy white angelic clouds moved steadily across the sky; the tail’s ends masterfully blended within the blueness of the sky beyond. Rachel could hear and feel the surrounding peace and happiness from other visitors to the park, from the newly engaged couple to her left to the teenager walking his dog to her right. 

This was right. This was where she belonged. Rachel could feel the ever present presence in her mind hummed in agreement, the warm glow of an aurora forever giving her comfort and keeping her safe.

_You two share an unique bond_ , her mother once said. _You may consciously choose to pull apart from him, darling, but you’ll never succeed. The pull would be too strong._

“They didn’t have any strawberry, so I got you chocolate instead,” said Richard as he handed her the ice cream, his voice breaking through the hums and buzzes of the surrounding park. He was dressed in shorts and a simple t-shirt with his ever present sunglasses over his eyes. Even after he hung up his cape, Richard had trouble with others catching a glimpse of his eyes. _Eyes were the windows to one’s soul_ , Arella’s voice floated through her mind.

“You had one job,” said Rachel as she gave an exaggerated sigh. She lifted the newspaper away and gave Richard a mocking glare. Her lip twitched a bit from trying not to smile.

The comfort and sense of peace never failed to amazed her. Richard’s emotions intertwined with hers, creating what seemed like one entity between them. The bond had suffered damage throughout the years. The abrupt formation and the utter depletion of force when her father came into being before the rigors and violent strength of Richard’s love and hope restored their bond. Rachel only mistake was to break away from Richard after the incident with Slade. Richard was always first to say that it was his mistake for letting her break it off the first place. Nevertheless, it was hiding in the background, gaining strength and vigor and becoming all encompassing that when Richard came with the team to get her from the newly restored Azarath their first touch in what seemed like forever sent them both down to their knees.

“Yes. To get some ice cream,” said Richard, restating her earlier demand. He sat down beside her and took the newspaper from her, giving her hand a slight squeeze in the process. “Job completed.”

Rachel smiled a bit, giving in to her amusement, before sitting up and giving him a small kiss on his shoulder. Richard leaned his head toward her in response. Rachel took the opportunity to take his sunglasses off, wanting to compare the blueness of his eyes to the sky beyond, and gave another kiss to his forehead. “Thanks,” she said as she took the ice cream from his hands. “It’s getting way too hot.”

“It is summer,” stated Richard. And the reason why he suggested that they should go to the park and enjoy a rare day off. Even though they weren’t out there fighting villains and saving their adopted city, they were lending their talents to various superhero groups, researching and providing direction and experience to the younger superheros. Richard had Rachel now. It was time to give the others the time in the sun. 

“ _Obviously.”_ The ice cream dripped a bit as she raised the spoon to her mouth. It left a little droplet at the corner of her lips.  

Richard took one look at her and laughed. “You missed.”

“Half of this is just ice cream soup,” said Rachel, raising the desert to prove her point. “Of course it would be a little bit messy.”

Richard just laughed again and leaned in to lick the ice cream off from the corner of her lips.

Rachel narrowed her eyes a bit, before shrugging her shoulders and raised the spoon for another bite. “And that was unhygienic.”

Using his right hand, Richard parted Rachel’s hair, before tucking the strand behind one of her ears. “People say that we are cute.”

“I’m not sure whom you been talking to, but most said that we should get a room and stay in there to the end of time.” This was told to her by Selina back when they visited her and Bruce in Gotham, but this was fine. Selina was just happy to see Richard back in Bruce’s life after their estrangement. Rachel took another bite before sticking out her tongue at him.

“They are just jealous,” replied Richard, daring Rachel to say something more on the matter.

Rachel just rolled her eyes in response.

Richard used the lulled in their conversation to leaned back onto the grass as he closed his eyes against the glare from the sun. He snuck a peek at Rachel before closing them again. “So,” started Richard, his voice slightly lowered as he dragged out the word a bit. “Bruce called.”

Rachel shook her head. “No.” She would not entertained the idea, even from Bruce Wayne himself, if it was anything like the last suggestion.

“He just wanted to suggest…”

“Richard.” But he was Richard’s adopted father, the one who raised him since his parents died and the one who always came running no matter if he and Richard hadn’t spoken in a few years. This was what family supposed to do. Rachel always wanted that. She placed her now empty bowl beside her and sighed. “Fine,” she said, giving in to Richard’s silent retort.  

Richard smiled a bit, knowing Rachel’s reaction to the name Bruce suggested, before uttering, “Bartholomew.”

“You gotta be kidding me.” Richard was just trolling her now. Or Bruce. Or them both. She wouldn’t put it passed them.

“I swear on my life,” said Richard.  

“That's even worse than the one last time.” Rachel pulled her knees up and under her chin as she regarded the man lying beside her.

“You know Bruce. He's eccentric.”

Rachel rolled her eyes again. “You mean insane.”

Richard smirked. “He's family.”

Rachel raised one of her eyebrows. “You rejected Kori’s.”

“It was not even a word, let alone a name!” said Richard, his voice raised and his hands were in a fist.

_“She's family_ ,” said Rachel, repeating his word back at him.

_“_ We're never going to decide of a name, huh?” asked Richard.

Rachel stretched out her legs as she leaned back to lie down beside Richard. She intertwined his hand with hers, before saying “I won't say that. We came up with Silky’s name.”

“An alien worm.”

“And Piggy’s,” continued Rachel, ignoring Richard’s little statement.

“A weird choice for a dog,” said Richard, before frowning. “And a golden retriever at that.”

“And let's not forget Beaky’s.”

“Which we gave to a turtle and not, let's just say, to a bird, which would had made more sense,” retorted Richard.

“So this dilemma we currently having is really not a dilemma at all,” said Rachel.

“They were all terrible names.”

Rachel laughed. “Tell that to Piggy. He seems to enjoy it.”

Richard turned his head so he was looking at her. “ _She_ is up to anything as long as you give her bacon.”

Rachel shrugged. “You say tomato and I say tomahto.”

“You were the one to name them,” stated Richard.

“And you empowered me with the decisions,” countered Rachel.

“I had no choice in the manner. You gave me an ultimatum.” Richard sighed, before continuing, “At least we have awhile to go.”

“I'm thinking Maximilien Robespierre,” replied Rachel, smiling.

“Nero.”

“Ivan the Terrible.”

“Melchior.”

“Now you're going too far,” said Rachel. This time she was the one who was frowning.

“And all the ones before that was not?”

“Well, if we were to used any of them, I think Victor will throw a fit, Bruce will never talk to us again, and Kori will be eternally confused.”

Richard widely smiled. “Hey! At least they will leave us alone.” Richard closed his eyes and leaned in a bit toward Rachel. The connection between them flared a bit, sending a warm sensation throughout their respective body.

“I always wanted to start a super villain group. We know all the superhero’s dirty little secrets,” whispered Rachel. She moved a bit closer to Richard and closed her eyes as well.  

“Bruce will definitely not speak to us again,” replied Richard. “I’ll go with Maximilien. We can shorten it to Max and no one will have to know.”

Rachel softly laughed. “Choosing a name should not take this much time and effort.”

“At least we have six more months,” said Richard.

“At least we have six more months before the little guy comes into the world.”

Richard nodded his head in agreement before placing his hand on Rachel’s stomach. “It could be a girl.”

“Oh god,” said Rachel. “Don’t even get them started on girl’s names.”

Richard didn’t respond. Instead he snuggled closer to Rachel before bending his neck and resting his head against her chest.

This was a beautiful day. An exquisite day. A lethargic day.

No, this was a perfect day.


End file.
